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Betere leesbaarheid

Stalked

door killea

On her way home in the dark
Along the road, beside the park
Her heart was full of fear
Of the footsteps she could hear
She stopped, pretended to tie her shoe
The sound of footsteps then ceased too
Her heart thumped, sweat on her brow
Oh God, don't let me panic now
Her gut-feeling had always been right
It certainly kicked in, this fateful night
She started to run as fast as she could go
So did her stalker, and he wasn't slow
Although she could see her house up ahead
She thought, any minute, I will be dead
And as he closed in - it was really no race
She decided she would have to face
The bastard who had taken her right
To walk home safely in the night
Anger took over from her fear
And all of a sudden her mind was clear
She turned around, stamped her feet
Dropped her bag on the street
With extened hands, using all her pluck
Motioned and shouted "Come here you fuck"!
She took two steps towards the figure in black
Fear was gone she was fighting back
Hands now fists, ready for blows
She hit the creep and broke his nose
Deterred and bleeding he ran away
She lived to see another day.

 

feedback van andere lezers

  • matahari
    Stong woman she is

    regards
    killea: Thanks, matahari
    June
  • Klaver4
    mooi gedaan !
    was op het nieuws trouwens vandaag; record aantal klachten over stalking in den belgique!
    psjes:
    She decideD
    She turned around, stamped her feet
    Dropped her bag on the street
    With extened hands, using all her pluck
    Motions and shouts=> moet dit niet shouted worden dan?
    gr
    klaver4
    killea: Thank you for your attention. It is called 'poetic licence' which refers the poet into ignoring some of the grammatical errors for poetic effect. This effect is neither considered to be "good" nor "bad". It is basically used in order to fill gaps or in order to make a rhythmic composition. Had I used 'motioned and shouted' the speed of the situation would have slowed down some.
    Thanks again, best regards June
  • aquaangel
    June een vraagje, ben je Engels?
    Persoonlijk zou ik nooit mijn gevoelens
    in een andere taal kunnen uitdrukken
    als het mijn Moerstaal niet is....
    knap!
    killea: Thank you for reading my poems. I'm Australian! Have been living in Netherlands for about 12 years. Speak and read dutch but
    writing is not yet an option, although I will give it a shot soon.

    regards
    June
  • lief
    a lesson selfdefense for women

    nice!
    killea: Thank you for you kind feedback, Lief.

    June
  • lin
    Het is een poŽtische vertelleng geworden. Erg goed. Ik zie dat je wisselt tussen tegenwoordige tijd en verleden tijd, dat is eigenlijk niet nodig als je vanaf het begin gewoon in de tegenwoordige tijd schrijft. Daardoor krijgt het gedicht gelijk al meer vaart en spanning:

    On her way home in the dark
    Along the road, beside the park
    Her heart is full of fear
    Of the footsteps she can hear
    She stops, pretends to tie her shoe
    The sound of footsteps then ceases too

    etc etc etc. toch?
    gr, lin
  • otiske
    Heel knap neergezet, groetjes en graag gelezen.
    killea: Thank you.

    regards
    June
  • teevee
    Jij leest in het Nederlands en schrijft in het Engels
    wat ik -zeg ik rechtuit- zo niet kan omvatten
    maar je moet anders Writehistory
    niet zo LETTERLIJK opvatten!
    killea: Thanks teevee - not quite sure what you mean by that.
    regards
    june
  • Francis
    Funny
    Gr Francis
    killea: Thank for reading my poems and your generous feedback.
    xx
    June
  • ozzy
    A few years ago I visited Australia and women were really, without
    any exception all very nice to me. Of course,... I'm not a stalker.
    Nice but freightening ...
    ;-)
    Rgds,
    xxx
    killea: I'm an Aussie - have just place another poem which you may enjoy
    - Homesick
    thanks for your generous feedback.
    xx
    June
  • lucky
    er lag een vraag op mijn lippen, maar zag je reactie bij klaver4 en die gaf min of meer antwoordt.
    de vraag was of dit een stijl van dichten is in het engels
    killea: thanks

    June
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