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Shams
I burn
I die
beneath your light
scream as i try to reach your heaven
yet I do not long for the night
this skin isn't fit for
deceiving fog
who snatches my sight
my worlds have known you
through miles of distance
while the wisdom of time
held the coming and going
of every existence
as I touch ground
with knees and fists
the moon is my witness
hearing how hard
this man is broken
shattering windows of thoughts
wide open
to take one reasonable breath
even angels of death
couldn't lift the weight off
one restless chest
because I still try to read, breath
and see the infintity in your dusks and dawns.
feedback van andere lezers- eisenik
reminds me of the oldschool poets like yeats or even blake
I guess that's a compliment in style and a - manono
I read despair and confusion.
Beautiful! - klaver4
The feeling of the poem poors out of it! Which for me is the most important issue reading poetry!
But yet, language wise, I think some corrections could be useful. Me not being a native speaker, I'll stick to one: the fog.. who, should that not be 'that'?
grtz
klaver4
aPersian: Dank u wel ! en de rede waarom ik 'who' in plaats van 'that' gebruik is personificatie: levensloze zaken/objecten die menselijke eigenschappen krijgen. Het is een techniek die heel vaak gebruikt wordt in poëzie. Poëzie hoeft niet altijd volgens de regels te zijn ;) grtz
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